Lesbians Don't Want the Housewife

Members of LOOC (Lesbians of Orange County) are reportedly mad as hell that Kimberleigh M. Zolciak, better known as Kim Zolciak, cast member of The Real Housewives, wants to join the party. "She's no lesbian! She's doing it for the attention," says Penelope Stromond, President of LOOC. "We don't want her. Tell her to go back to Big Poppa!" "Big Poppa" refers to the sugar daddy character whom Zolciak mysteriously refers to on the "Housewives" show. Famous lesbians everywhere have taken up the cause against The Real Housewife. Rosie O'Donnel, Ellen Degeneres, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellwegger, Courtney Love, Janice Dickenson, Maya Angelou and others are preparing a petition to submit to HCOLA (High Council of Lesbian Activities) to take official action against Zolciak. Says Mary de Phillber, High Priestess of the High Council, "Members of the Lesbos sect have no need for this woman. She shouldn't be able to identify herself as one of us. She will be warned."