New Research Says Talking Dogs Live Longer

Scientists at the Blankenship College for Veterinary Sciences in Secaucus, New Jersey have proven that talking dogs have a life expectancy far longer than those of their non-talking canine brethren. "We followed 200 talking dogs, and 200 non-talking dogs during the last 20 years, and we found overwhelming evidence pointing to the conclusion that talking dogs live longer." So says Dr. Alfred Mybootshurt, who headed up the lengthy study. Of the 200 talking dogs, the average lifespan was 16.3 years, compared to the mute pooches, whose lifespan came out to an average 10.4 years. "Maybe talking dogs find life more interesting, beause they are able to discuss their problems and concerns," says Mybootshurt. "As opposed to the non-talkers, who are relegated to a lifetime of loneliness and isolation, with nobody to talk to."