Lindsay Lohan Has Her Head on Backwards

Sources close to Lindsay Lohan says it's no surprise that the skinny starlet gets in so much trouble, because the fact is, she has her head on backwards. "All the shenanigans you've heard about in the tabloids are true," says one loyal Lindsay supporter. "But it's no mystery," the friend adds. "Lindsay has her head on backwards!" According to Dr. Herbert Lojulle at Mt. Sinai Beverly Hills, "backwards head" is a rare side effect of NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder. "Ms. Lohan has a particularly bad case of head on backwards," said Dr. Lojulle. SHe will have to work very hard with a team of specialists to screw her head on straight. I wish her luck." Amen.

Barbara Eden Confession: "I really AM a Genie!"

Barbara Eden has rocked the Hollywood community this morning with a confession that she really is a bona fide Genie. Said Miss Eden from her Bel Air home, "Yes, I am a Genie. It's true." Beloved by television audiences for her role as Jeannie on "I Dream of Jeannie" from 1965 to 1970, Miss Eden said "I have been doing so much soul-searching and I had to tell the truth." By her side sat co-star Larry Hagman, who said nothing, as this is one of his "quiet days" when he doesn't speak. He held up a small, hand-written note for reporters that read "Yes, she is a Genie. I support Barbara 100%." Miss Eden told reporters that her agent discovered her on a trip to Morocco in 1957. "I'm actually 2,374 years old," said the bubbly blonde Genie. "Izzy Weingrod, an agent from William Morris, found my lamp at a bazaar, rubbed it, and out I came." She explained that one of Mr. Weingrod's three wishes was "to make me a TV star. I was obligated to do it." And the rest was history. Weingrod fabricated a bio for Miss Eden, stating that she was born Barbara Jean Morehead in Tucson, Arizona, in 1934. "Well, that was all a bunch of hooey! But that was Izzy for you." Miss Eden says that she will return to Morocco to re-establish her roots there, and perhaps open a chain of high end restaurants.