Barbara Eden Confession: "I really AM a Genie!"

Barbara Eden has rocked the Hollywood community this morning with a confession that she really is a bona fide Genie. Said Miss Eden from her Bel Air home, "Yes, I am a Genie. It's true." Beloved by television audiences for her role as Jeannie on "I Dream of Jeannie" from 1965 to 1970, Miss Eden said "I have been doing so much soul-searching and I had to tell the truth." By her side sat co-star Larry Hagman, who said nothing, as this is one of his "quiet days" when he doesn't speak. He held up a small, hand-written note for reporters that read "Yes, she is a Genie. I support Barbara 100%." Miss Eden told reporters that her agent discovered her on a trip to Morocco in 1957. "I'm actually 2,374 years old," said the bubbly blonde Genie. "Izzy Weingrod, an agent from William Morris, found my lamp at a bazaar, rubbed it, and out I came." She explained that one of Mr. Weingrod's three wishes was "to make me a TV star. I was obligated to do it." And the rest was history. Weingrod fabricated a bio for Miss Eden, stating that she was born Barbara Jean Morehead in Tucson, Arizona, in 1934. "Well, that was all a bunch of hooey! But that was Izzy for you." Miss Eden says that she will return to Morocco to re-establish her roots there, and perhaps open a chain of high end restaurants.

Will Smith drops out of MIB because of Gay Aliens

According to sources on Hollywood and Vine, actor Will Smith has dropped out of Men in Black 3 because he can no longer support gay aliens. Insiders close to Smith say that the actor believes that a large percentage of aliens in other universes are gay, and he just can't condone that kind of lifestyle. Says one of Smith's close associates "Will kind of looked the other way with MIB1 and MIB2, but this time he felt he had to stick to his guns. He really believes that these aliens need to clean up their acts and stop their same-gender activities." Representatives from FFGAE (Freedom For Gay Aliens Everywhere) are up in arms about Smith's controversial decision. Says #@(*@_@#, an alien transgender lesbian from the Alta Centauri galaxy "Why does he have to pick on us? We're not hurting anybody. So what that I like to wrap my tentacles around another being of the same gender? What's the deal?" Smith was not available for comment.

Renee and Reese in Spa Brawl

Lovers Reese Witherspoon and Renee Zellwegger were involved in a tussle at a Los Angeles Korean spa yesterday. R&R, as they have been known around town since hooking up recently, were obviously out for a little R&R of their own when the trouble started. The girls were trying to relax at The Beverly Hot Springs, an under-the-radar "soak and massage" spa in East LA. The place is frequented by stars like John Travolta, people who don't want a lot of noteriety when they want to relax. Reese and Renee were in the sauna when they were approached by another customer named Beaulah Schwartz. "I asked Renee to move over so that I could sit down on the bench," says Schwartz. "Well! You would have thought I'd asked for her Oscar." The next thing she knew, punches were being thrown. "Reese socked me in the mouth! She thought I was trying to make the moves on her girlfriend!" Police were called to the location, and a spa insider says that the two Oscar winning lovebirds were whisked out of the place faster than Kim Chee on a slippery plate. Witherspoon and Zellwegger's reps had no comment.

Lesbians Don't Want the Housewife

Members of LOOC (Lesbians of Orange County) are reportedly mad as hell that Kimberleigh M. Zolciak, better known as Kim Zolciak, cast member of The Real Housewives, wants to join the party. "She's no lesbian! She's doing it for the attention," says Penelope Stromond, President of LOOC. "We don't want her. Tell her to go back to Big Poppa!" "Big Poppa" refers to the sugar daddy character whom Zolciak mysteriously refers to on the "Housewives" show. Famous lesbians everywhere have taken up the cause against The Real Housewife. Rosie O'Donnel, Ellen Degeneres, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellwegger, Courtney Love, Janice Dickenson, Maya Angelou and others are preparing a petition to submit to HCOLA (High Council of Lesbian Activities) to take official action against Zolciak. Says Mary de Phillber, High Priestess of the High Council, "Members of the Lesbos sect have no need for this woman. She shouldn't be able to identify herself as one of us. She will be warned."

Johnny Depp to Make "Sanford and Son" Feature Film

Sources on Hollywood and Vine say that Johnny Depp is this close to making a full-length feature film based on the beloved "Sanford and Son" television series. Sanford and Son starred comedian Redd Foxx as Fred G. Sanford, a 65-year-old junk dealer living in Watts. Depp will reprise Foxx's role. A source close to Depp's agent says "Johnny is over the moon. Sanford and Son was always one of his favorite shows. He watches it on DVD every night and laughs and laughs!" When questioned about the wisdom of Depp playing a 65 year old black man, the source replied, "Johnny Depp is first and foremost an actor. He is a thespian. There are no color or age or cultural boundaries that Johnny cannot overcome to play a role. He's a chameleon. He'll be more Fred Sanford than Redd Foxx was. Just you wait." The original show ran on NBC from 1972 to 1977. Demond Wilson played Foxx's son on the original show. Names being bandied about Tinseltown to play the role in the remake feature include Djimon Hounsou, Eddie Murphy, Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Don Cheadle, Terrence Howard and Forest Whitaker. Actresses up for the Lawanda Page role of "Aunt Esther" the Bible-toting sister of Fred's late wife Elizabeth, include Diana Ross, Cicely Tyson, Diahann Carroll, Whoopi Goldberg, Angela Bassett, Halle Berry, Gabourey Sidibe, Queen Latifah and Jennifer Hudson. A casting insider informed us that Mo'Nique is in the front-running.

Madonna Throwing a Bar Mitzvah for the Glee Kids

As part of Madonna's deal with the producers of Glee, she will be throwing the student members of the Glee cast a giant Bar Mitzvah ceremony and party next month. Sources close to Madonna say "When the Glee producers approached Her Madgesty with the idea of a Madonna-themed Glee episode, she came back to them with some demands." One of the demands was a group Bar Mitzvah for all of the kids, basically converting them all to Judaism. A PA on the show says, "At first they balked, but they really wanted Madonna's music. The lady is a pro and she drives a hard bargain. Some of the cast didn't want to convert, but then they realized how much attention an "all Madonna music" episode of Glee would generate." One friend of the cast says the kids are studying Hebrew like crazy, trying to get ready for the ceremony. "Madonna wants them all to join Kabbalah," says the friend. "That's the ultimate goal of this whole Bar Mitzvah deal. But she wants them to be seasoned Jews before bringing them in." In addition to the Glee kids themselves, performing at the Bar Mitzvah party, which allegedly will be held in the Grand Ballroom of the Beverly Hills Hotel, will be Sting, Bette Midler, Cher, Connie Stevens, Rosie O'Donnel, Jesus Luz, Lourdes Ciccone, Britney Spears and Tom Jones. One of Madonna's executive team members says that "tickets for the Bar Mitzvah will be sold on Ticketmaster. Those are going to be the hottest tickets in town! They'll probably go for at least $20,000 a piece." He added that a portion of the proceeds will go to the children of Malawi.

Miley Cyrus Heading to Harvard

Sources at Harvard University say that teen pop princess Miley Cyrus will be teaching an undergrad course next year at Ivy League powerhouse. The class will be offered through the sociology department, and will be called "Juvenile Entertainment Megalomania: Theory and Epistomology." Miss Cyrus, who has no formal education, and has never attended school, will teach the seminar course 3 times a week. One university insider said "Miley is super-excited about this opportunity. She's seen Legally Blonde a thousand times, and she can't wait to walk to work through Harvard Yard." Hollywood execs and agents are curious as to how Cyrus will divide her time between the Cambridge, Mass. institution and her duties as a teen superstar in Los Angeles. A friend close to Miley assures us "It will be no problem. Miley is a genius. Really. Like...she can handle the biggest pressures and she's really smart."